Much of today’s leadership writing is a re-hash (read: ripped-off) of early works in the 1900′s. One of these widely cited books is Dale Carnegie’s timeless 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. Though some might feel it is dated, it offers effective ways of dealing with employees, coworkers, family, and friends. Don’t let the age of the book affect your effectiveness.
When you read these ideas, think of how you could use them with the people you deal with everyday. Implementing some of these are real challenge for many executives and individuals in positions of leadership today.
Twelve Ways of Winning People to Your Way of Thinking
Rule 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Rule 2: Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.
Rule 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Rule 4: Begin in a friendly way.
Rule 5: Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately.
Rule 6: Get the other man to do a great deal of the talking.
Rule 7: Let the other man feel that the idea is his.
Rule 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Rule 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Rule 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.
Rule 11: Dramatize your ideas.
Rule 12: Throw down a challenge.
Excerpted from: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
You might get the impression, while reading over these rules, that this is not the way a leader should relate to their subordinates. “They need stern direction, not coddling.” “This is too warm and fuzzy.” “I’m not going to be their friend.”
Well, you won’t necessarily be their friend, but by using these ideas, you will relate to them as a person first.
It takes real courage and personal development to drop the persona of the “Leader” and begin to authentically relate to someone as yourself. Business is not the military. You can drop the mask and begin to be yourself, just in a position of authority.
That is unless your self is less than optimal. Maybe the real you is repulsive. Maybe you have the personality of a dead fish. Maybe you can’t stand letting someone have a peak under the hood out of fear that they will discover a dreadful secret.
But maybe not.
Maybe you have something more to offer. Maybe you have been looking for a way to let that out and use it in your work and life.
Are you big enough to try?
Give it a shot. Do the work necessary to develop the inner you so that you can improve the outer you.
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